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"I simply get no response at all."
"But, Youth, how do you know you got no response because you gave offense? How do you know it wasn't for some other, completely unrelated reason?"
"I guess I don't."
"But you fear, and then assume, the worst?"
Youth nodded, embarrassed.
"I wonder what it is," said Director, "that makes you think you've offended? You are one of the most polite people I know - probably to a fault."
"Do you think that's the problem, the root of my anxiety - that I'm too sensitive about being polite, about not giving offense?"
Director shrugged. "If it's not the sole root, it's almost certainly one of them."
"Why do you think I'm so sensitive like that?"
"Maybe it's because you're just very sensitive, naturally, to when people are impolite to you, and you want to do unto others as you would have them do unto you - in hopes they'll take the hint."
Youth chewed on this. "Maybe I don't know where the line between being polite and impolite truly needs to be drawn."
"Yes, and maybe you don't know when to cross the line from polite to impolite."
Youth looked surprised. "I've always believed you never cross that line."
"Do you think never doing so is a virtue?"
Youth seemed about to say something, but then blinked several times and shrugged.
"Some would say," said Director, "that far from being a virtue, never crossing that line amounts to laziness and arrogance."
Youth seemed shocked at this but tried to take it in. "How does it amount to laziness?"
"It takes effort to figure out when to cross the line, and once one does it takes effort to engage in impolite discourse, and then more effort to prevent oneself from going too far. None of this is inherently pleasant for someone who habitually walks on the polite side of the line."
"I see," said Youth quietly. "How is never crossing the line arrogant?"
"It seems that you don't deign to mix it up with the rude when you need to, when it's called for - and that you believe, out of arrogance, that your high moral ground, your elevated standard, carries the day every time, even when it doesn't, to the detriment of those who are counting on you."
"That's what they say?"
Director shrugged.
"Do you think I am being arrogant?"
"I know you don't mean to be, but it does seem that way at times."
A look of bitterness possessed Youth's face. "That's so unfair."
Director sighed. "Let me ask you this, Youth. Do you draw the line the same way for yourself as you do for others?"
"No, I'm harder on myself than I am on others."
"Is that because you are better and should be held to a higher standard?"
Youth thought for a long time. Then he shrugged and nodded slowly.
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Nick Pappas, pappasnick.typepad.com
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